my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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