If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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