Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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