Already got asked if we're dating
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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