All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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