Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
