I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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