It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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