i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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