Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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