they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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