we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
