i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
