why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
