I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
