you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize