I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My cat gives me a boner
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
