Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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