porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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