the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have tasted many bathrooms
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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