she smelled like a LAN party
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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