nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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