Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
