K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
