god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
