i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
be right there i have to get my cape
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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