You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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