p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
