do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
