So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
