i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
