i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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