I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
