so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
