VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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