I'm gonna have a badass scar
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
