Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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