I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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