I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
