you would pick up someone in the library
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
