the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
