Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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