If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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