laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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