I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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