im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
