I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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