smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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