A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
