With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i drank out of a bidet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
