You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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