Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
