Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we're so committed to being not committed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
