does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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