Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
