i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
