My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
