even my farts smell like vagina
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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