Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
