If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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