The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
