god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sarcasm needs its own font
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
