So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
