i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
