I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
