Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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