And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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