so explain again why im purple
no
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
