I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
