We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we're making bets on your personal life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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