That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
