Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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