I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
