at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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