The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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